


The Parent Trap (If It Occurred on Middle Earth)

by felepa_findora



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Parent Trap (1998)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Humor, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), M/M, Modern Middle Earth, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22787791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felepa_findora/pseuds/felepa_findora
Summary: Fili and Kili never would have thought that signing up for Rivendell as their chosen summer camp would lead to such brilliant adventures. Sure they’re currently feuding with those two kids from the shire but they can handle them no problem at all. Also, what’s this about them having the best Uncle in the world? No way, nuh-uh! No one could ever beat their Uncle Thorin, right?
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Gimli (Son of Glóin)/Legolas Greenleaf, Hamfast Gamgee/Bell Goodchild, minor Aragorn/Arwen
Comments: 32
Kudos: 61





	1. The Goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be sporadic. I already have an outline for the story but college is in my way so no promises. Please be kind.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I'm just writing whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be sporadic. I already have an outline for the story but college is in my way so no promises. Please be kind.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I'm just writing whatever comes to mind.

“I really don’t understand why the two of you decided to choose Rivendell for summer camp this year of all places. We have our very own perfectly good summer camp here in the Lonely Mountain led by yours truly and Dwalin no less,” snorted Thorin Oakenshield Durin as he checked his nephews’ bags for the nth time. He sighed as he spotted another pair of whoopee cushions hidden in Kili’s knapsack.

“Exactly our point,” groused Kili Durin, a touch miffed after realizing his secret stash was discovered. Oh well, at least he hadn’t found Fili’s yet. “We’ve been attending Erebor ever since we were babies. We want something new,” he added.

“Also, it’s not exactly like we’re the only ones from the family signing up for Rivendell. Cousin Gimli has been going there for three years now and he’s made lots and lots of friends. I know you’re already old Uncle and as such your perception towards reality is a bit skewed but if I have to see cousin Thorin roaring about ‘slaying a mountain bear as big as a house’ again in the Hall of Tales I’ll mutiny,” remarked Fili Durin.

“But what about Ori then? Both Dori and Nori forbid him from going to Rivendell. I’ll admit young Stonehelm is mighty enthusiastic most of the time but surely you won’t just leave poor Ori alone?” persisted Thorin. “Also, if you think you can get away about that old comment Fili, think again. I can still call Tharkún to cancel your slots, see if I won’t.”

“You won’t do it. If you do and Thranduil finds out you’ll never hear the end of it,” Kili smirked.

Before Thorin can reply how Thranduil can just stick his pointy noise out of everyone’s business, he was waylaid by the small hug Fili gave him before breaking away.

“Don’t worry Uncle. We’ll be fine. We’ll send word every week so you won’t get bored. Besides, think of this as a vacation. You’ll be able to rest properly without the worry of any more mischief being done around the house,” smiled Fili.

“Yeah Uncle. Like Fili said, Gimmers is going with us. Enjoy the few weeks we aren’t here because as soon as we get back you won’t be able to rest for a single second,” Kili added.

Thorin just gave the two of them a wry smile and if his eyes suddenly became a bit watery, well no one pointed it out.

“Well, are y’all just gonna stand there laddies? Y’all gonna miss your flight plan and Thranduil will definitely have something to talk about,” said Bofur their designated driver and family friend. “Gimli’s already in there with Bifur.”

The three Durins scowled at the resident driver. Thorin rubbed his hand at his temple before saying, “Go, take these rascals before they change their mind and we won’t be having that quiet vacation anymore.”

His nephews both stuck their tongues at him before racing each other towards the car. Thorin watched as his nephews rode farther away and hoped they wouldn’t be getting into too much trouble. Besides, the camp was still being held in Rivendell. He won’t mind the two making a little bit of trouble for Elrond.

Meanwhile, on a land situated nearly on the other side of the Lonely Mountain…

Bilbo Baggins wasn’t having the same trouble getting his nephew Frodo Baggins and young Sam Gamgee ready for summer camp. The two friends have been attending the same camp since they were children and were more than already acquainted in the area. They were just waiting for Aragorn Elessar, who was no doubt also getting Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took, to pick them up.

Frodo and Sam were good lads that could reign in Merry and Pippin for a little. Not fully of course, that would be just asking for the impossible. He’d never meet two boys more mischevious except maybe for–

Bilbo shook his head away from the painful memories. Anyways, sure Frodo and Sam have been to Rivendell many times but Bilbo has always travelled with them. Except for now. He just had a little bit of business to talk with a few of his Baggins relatives. _Confusticate them all_. So if he was a little bit fussier than usual then nobody can blame him. In fact, Bell and Hamfast are fussing over dear Sam right now. It’s perfectly normal for him to be nervous. Thank goodness Gandalf was able to schedule a transportation for the two. He was distracted from his thoughts by a small tug in his hand.

"Don’t worry about us Uncle Bilbo, we’ll be alright. We’ll call directly after arriving. Besides, Aragorn would never let anything happen to us. If anything, you should worry about him much more considering he’s currently stuck with both Merry and Pippin,” Frodo comforted his poor Uncle.

"Frodo's right Master Bilbo. Nothing will happen to us. I'll be with him every step of the way. You can count on me," remarked Sam from where he was being squished by Bell.

Bilbo chuckled but didn’t reply. He just squeezed his nephew’s hand tightly before letting them go. Ten minutes later, shrieks and trills of laughter can be heard on the road which sounded remarkably like Merry and Pippin. In just a blink Aragorn was there with his car Brego. Sam and Frodo greeted him enthusiastically before entering the vehicle to chat with Pippin.

The adults chuckled at their enthusiasm before loading their baggage in the trunk with the help of Aragorn. Four heads poked out of the windows and repeatedly waved goodbye to their guardians. Aragorn nodded at the adults solemnly, promising the youngsters will be safe before clambering towards the driver’s seat and starting the vehicle. Everyone waved farewell again with a few tears added into the mix.

“They'll be alright,” blubbered Bell. “That Aragorn is a good boy, he’ll see to their safety.”

“He better,” grumbled Hamfast.

Bilbo just let out a little giggle followed by a hiccup and hoped desperately that what Bell said would be true.

And so it was that both set of children travelled to Imlardis with their guardians’ full blessing. Only the Valar will know what kind of trouble will occur once they all meet.


	2. Hijinks Ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I messed up. About a week ago I posted the first chapter of this story and it wasn’t until two days ago that I realized I somehow messed up my outline. If I hadn’t started writing the second chapter I wouldn’t have realized it tbh. So you’re going to be receiving a slightly longer chapter than expected. I’m terribly sorry for this mistake. I’m just an absolute mess. Again, terribly sorry for the mistake and um warning, I don’t have a beta.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

Kili was bored. Oh don’t get him wrong, he’s plenty enough excited at the thought of reaching Rivendell (though you might want to keep that quiet from his uncle) and causing untold chaos with his brother. But, it’s just, there’s nothing to do right this moment. Fili’s asleep along with Bofur, Bifur was driving and clearly ignoring him, and Gimli… Well, Gimli was currently playing Mobile Legends with his boyfriend Legolas and he made it absolutely clear that Kili wasn’t welcome to it. Any other day Kili would have whined and pouted to be included but there was something about Gimli cackling 17 in a crazed manner that made him second-guess his thoughts on intruding. Romantic relationships were weird. 

He was just about to risk asking Bifur if they were there yet when the limo slowed down to a halt.  _ Finally _ he thought and wasted no time in tearing out of the car dragging his poor half-way asleep, disoriented brother along with him. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gimli was irritated. 

It had been a terribly long school year and he couldn’t wait to meet up with the Fellowship club after such a long parting. He couldn’t wait to meet and talk fencing strategies with Aragorn again and Boromir, he wanted to renew his bonds with Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry and know what sort of mischief they’ve been up to without him, and most of all he wished to see his precious Legolas and kiss him senseless. 

Gimli had known the moment Kili dragged Fili away that it would be him who would be paying for it. Yet, he let them go just because he was about to exceed Legolas’s kill count. By the Valar he missed his pointy-eared boyfriend (not that he’ll tell him of course, don’t be absurd) and he’s supposed to be seeing him right now. Instead he was stuck listening to Bofur’s lecture about keeping an eye on his baby cousins since ‘ _ This is their first time in this camp Gimli, take care of them since you’re now in enemy territory’  _ and  _ ‘You’re the oldest, be responsible and don’t spend too much time with that weed-eater boyfriend of yours’ _ . 

He was just about to reply with something scathing when he spied a hint of blond hair at the corner of his eyes. He agreed immediately to everything Bofur said, took his backpack from Bifur and raced towards the vision he spotted a few minutes ago. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sam quietly tucked in some of his clothes in the drawer while keeping an eye on Frodo. The two friends had already met up with the rest of the Fellowship, unless you don’t count the very brief but certainly exposing sight of Gimli and Legolas together behind the stables. That aside, there was something about the expression on Frodo’s face that worried Sam. 

Frodo was prone to a bit of brooding every now and then but they just arrived. Surely he should be a bit more cheerful after seeing some of their friends again? I mean he was cheerful for a few minutes until they crashed with those two newcomers. It wasn’t even their fault. They just came out of nowhere.

“Are you alright Sam?” a voice pierced through his thoughts.

Sam looked up from where he was wrinkling his tunic. “Aye Mister Frodo. I was just wondering what put that frown on your face.”

“Sam what have told you about using that mister nonsense on me. We’ve been friends for a long time. There’s no need to put on airs. As for my frowning, it’s nothing. Just thought I saw something,” Frodo quietly assured his worried friend.

“Oh, that’s okay then. I thought it had something to do with the people we crashed with,” hummed Sam as he continued to fold his clothes in proper order. It was this reason why he didn’t notice the brief shadow that flickered across Frodo’s eyes at the mention of the two boys they crashed with.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fili didn’t know how it happened. One minute he was just wiping away the sweat from his brow the next thing he knew his brother had somehow entered into a feud with some people in their fencing class. Normally, he’d side with his brother with everything but this time the people Kili had insulted were great friends of Gimli. Not that he wouldn’t side with his brother in this, it’s just inconvenient is all. At least they weren’t in trouble with the likes of that obnoxious prat Lindir.

“What exactly happened here?” asked someone, another friend of Gimli’s. Borim- Bormer- No, Boromir! While he was remembering the teenager’s name, the rest of the class were already gathering into a crowd.

“It was his fault Boromir!” exclaimed the sandy blond haired kid. “Frodo already surrendered! You know he’s not that good at fencing–”

“Thank’s a lot Sam,” murmured the guy his brother assaulted.

“–but he kept on poking at Frodo so–”

“Oh that’s how it is,” interjected Kili. Fili hurried to cover his impetous brother’s mouth but it was too late. “He didn’t win and now he’s complaining about someone new to this camp being better than him at something–” 

“That’s not it at all!” exclaimed the blond kid whose face got redder and redder at every single taunt being thrown at his friend.

“–which means he’s nothing but a coward!”

At that statement almost everyone gasped including Boromir. 

“He’s going to get it now,” murmured someone from the crowd. “No one insults Frodo in Sam’s presence.”

Fili tensed at those words and prepared for the worst. Despite that, he was very much surprised when that Sam guy jumped for Kili’s throat. The kid just managed to claw his brother when his friend, Frodo grabbed him and tried to haul him away from his brother. Kili laughed and was about to taunt him again when Fili, having enough with it all, covered his brother’s mouth. He sent out an apologetic look towards the guy Frodo, who gave him a small smile of understanding.

“That’s enough Samwise, we don’t charge towards newcomers no matter how ill-mannered they are,” commanded Boromir. Kili bristled at the insult and Fili found himself stiffening. “And you Durin’s boy should not be making any sort of trouble especially since this is your first time. Lord Elrond himself will be hearing about this,” Boromir continued. With that, the crowd dispersed until it was only him and his brother left alone on the fencing grounds.

“Well, Kili, I think we relearned something vital today,” Fili said.

“What’s that?” asked Kili a bit suspiciously.

“That you’re impulsive and not good for my blood pressure,” Fili replied serenely.

Kili just scowled.


	3. Cold Dishes Are Served

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

“The nerve of that smug-faced, soft-footed–“

“That’s enough Sam,” interjected Frodo. While Sam’s defense was heart-warming he was honestly already over it. He’s heard worse from their own relatives, most especially Camellia Sackville-Baggins but that’s not relevant right now. 

Also, surviving the intense competition against Camp Mordor three years ago had probably messed him up (it definitely messed him up) but he did develop a much thicker skin. Everyone from the fellowship did. Though Sam remained ever protective. Which can be nice sometimes but there are other times when it became a bit stifling. Just like now

“He’ll be eating his words no doubt about it Frodo. Just you wait! He’ll get what’s coming to him,” sniffed Sam.

Frodo just continued to sigh.

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“What are you doing?”

Sam let out a high-pitched squeal. He turned around to see both Merry and Pippin giving him identical eyebrow-raises. Well, Merry was doing it perfectly, Pippin just looked more demented than usual which definitely did not help in calming his heart down.

“W-why are you asking me what I’m doing? What about you two? What are you doing here?” Sam blustered.

“Faramir and Boromir wanted to teach us some new sword maneuvers they learned from their grandfather,” Pippin said. “Eowyn has some of her own moves she’d like to teach us too.”

“And they let you two get in the armoury all by yourselves?” asked Sam incredulously. No one lets Pippin and Merry be in the armoury alone together. That’s just asking for bad luck and destruction.

Merry smirked and said, “Well, no. We just didn’t give them enough time to deny us. What about you? What are you doing in the armoury? You never come here if you can help it. This doesn’t have anything to do with what happened in fencing right? Legolas and Eowyn told us all about it at–” 

“Lunch, I know. I was there. We were all there. Besides, it’s just a harmless prank. You lot do it all the time. I can’t see why you’re being so interrogative about this,” groused Sam.

“Okay,” shrugged Pippin.

“Wait, that’s it?” Sam barked.

“Well, what else were you expecting us to do? Stop you?” Merry looked at him incredulously. “Besides, if we stop you that would make us hypocrites so yeah, have fun.”

“Oh and don’t forgot to lock the door when you leave,” called out Pippin before the two swept out the door carrying their practice swords and whatnot.

“Huh,” murmured Sam as he looked at the pack of peanut butter on his hand before continuing on what he set out to do before being interrupted.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later on Sam just sat smugly while the news of an archery mishap that occurred on the black-haired Durin brother circulated around the entire camp. At least, until Kili retaliated by sabotaging his conkers game. Then it was an all-out war.

“I’m so sorry about this,” Frodo apologized again.

“Then I’m sorry too,” Fili smiled tiredly.

The war has been going on for days and it doesn’t seem to end. The pranks were so random from soap covered with nail polish to a chicken released in the showers. Everyone was ducking nowadays especially once Merry and Pippin joined in the fray. Not to be outdone, Kili recruited an unwilling Gimli using the fear of Thorin and his killer puppy eyes to full effect. 

The whole camp was divided into two people. The ones who stayed away at the sight of Kili, Sam, Merry, and Pippin and their craziness. The others stayed away from Gimli’s awful mood and prank paraphernalia. He and Legolas had barely enough time to be with each other when the whole war broke out. Considering the fact that both of their families have some sort of vendetta against each other, Rivendell was supposed to be a safe place for the both of them. Now, well…

Fili and Frodo tried their best to corral them with the help of Boromir but they weren’t having much luck. Aragorn was hesitant to enter the fray, fearing his own time with Arwen will be cut off like poor Gimli’s. Also, it doesn’t help that every now and then Fili and Frodo were strong-armed into helping with the pranks. So, they really weren’t getting anywhere. 

The two hoped the battle would die down before something really bad would happen but they weren’t expecting miracles. Just as well, considering what will happen to them at lunch. But that hasn’t happened yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I’m so sorry for such a late update. I promise I have a legitimate excuse. Midterm exams are in two weeks which means the lessons have been much harder than normal. We’ve been making cold cream and ointment in the lab last week. Also, you might have heard about the virus situation? The higher ups have been thinking of suspending school ‘til April and I’m just like ‘ABSOLUTELY NOT!’ How much harder the exams will gonna be if I can’t remember much of what my professors taught me due to the suspension? For the record, I also don’t want anyone to die I’m just frustrated with the entire situation.


	4. Welcome to Dol Goldur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a bit longer than the others. Sort of my own little apology for the late update the last time. Again, sorry for that.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

If asked, no one could ever agree who threw the first mash. It could have been courageous Glorfindel (probably), stuffy Haldir (meh), or reckless Galion (if he was drunk). Nevertheless, what everyone can agree is that it ended up with Fili, Frodo, Kili, and Sam becoming the center of the entire ordeal. On any other day the supposed punishment of such an event would have been very mild. For while Camp Director Elrond was strict, he was also a father to Elrohir and Elladan. He was used to such shenanigans. Unfortunately, Fili (who was handling a slice of strawberry cake) and Frodo (who was sporting a lovely custard pie) decided to aim their delicious projectiles at each other. 

In another universe, both desserts would have hit their designated target. This was not that universe. Instead both hit Arts and Crafts Director Saruman White and his favorite camper Grima Wormtongue. He was not amused.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“WHAT? YOU’RE SENDING US TO DOL GOLDUR!!!??????!!!!” gaped Kili.

“No Mister Durin, I’m sending all four of you to the Isolation Cabin. Where you’ll be spending your resting hours for the duration of the summer,” glowered Saruman.

“EXACTLY!!! DOL GOLDUR!!!” yelped Kili.

“Mr. White you shouldn’t be including Sam and Kili in the punishment. The both of them never threw anything that–” started Frodo.

“Dol Goldur is the summer camp lead by Azog Pale Mister Durin. It does not and will never refer to Rivendell. Also, I am very much aware Mister Baggins of who directed the hits on me and an innocent camper,” Saruman gave Frodo the evil eye. 

“Then Sir surely you could–” Fili tried to interrupt. 

“Nevertheless,” Saruman thundered on. “Mister Durin and Mister Gamgee have been a blight on everyone for the past few days. Additional chores and reduced recreational time has not been doing anything to change their behaviours.”

“But, Mister White, by that argument shouldn’t Pippin, Merry, and Gimli be included in this as well? Not that I want them punished or anything,” denied Sam.

“I am aware of their inclusion but luckily for Mister Brandybuck and Mister Took, they were not present at lunch. They were cleaning the stables. Mister Lockbearer, on the other hand was present. Thank you for that reminder. Grima! Inform Mister Lockbearer of his new quarters and tell him who he has to thank for it. Now stop whining and accept your punishment!” Saruman roared.

The four children were frogmarched to their new cabin. Each one looked gloomy and hungry since they weren’t able to eat much before the food fight was initiated. When they arrived at the cabin their mood plummeted further. The door was dingy, spiders occupied the drawers. The windowpanes were hanging lopsidedly. Not to mention, there was a stray cockroach skittering across the floor, which was littered with questionable brown spots. It was a miracle the beds were spared from such damage, thank the Valar for that. All at once they seemed to realize that they were going to have to choose their preferred bed. Then, it was a race against time, gravity, and slapping hands. 

After that small complication the four children tried their best to clean their new quarters. They managed to shoo away the spiders and the cockroaches. Kili even managed to fix the windowpanes somewhat. The floor though was a lost cause.

Twenty-five minutes later they were joined in isolation not by Gimli alone but also Legolas and his sister Tauriel. The three of them were hauling ridiculous amounts of luggage, which was concerning for while Gimli does enjoy his weight in material belongings it was never to such an extent that required three people to move them.

“Wow Gimmers, I never knew you brought so much stuff with you,” Fili’s eyes were alit in wonder at each duffel that seemed to land on the only unoccupied bed. Gimli gave him a strong glare worthy of Thorin Durin.

“That’s because not all of them belongs to him Master Durin,” Legolas replied coldly.

“What-what are you–” 

“Oh no, you don’t mean to share with him will you Legolas? How will you ever fit in such a small space?” Frodo asked worriedly.

“You are right Frodo. Gimli and I will not be sharing the same bed,” Legolas replied enigmatically. Tauriel just smirked at them in amusement after dropping another knapsack.

Sam gulped before saying, “Then where will you sleep?”

Legolas did not reply right away. He made them squirm for a long time before saying “I shall be appropriating the bed closest to Gimli’s.”

As one Kili, Frodo, Sam, and Fili turned to look at said bed. Kili guffawed after seeing whose it was.

“But-but that’s my bed!” squeaked Sam.

“I am aware Master Gamgee,” Legolas unleashed the infamous icy glare that has been used at least once by every member of the Eldar family, letting Sam know that he was aware of his role in his boyfriend’s reassignment of quarters.

“Then wh-where will I sleep?” stuttered Sam after a few minutes. Legolas had never called him Master Gamgee before. It had always been Sam or Samwise, if he felt being more mysterious and dramatic. Meanwhile, Fili and Kili looked at him in amazement for his continued audacity, though with Kili it was a bit more reluctant.

“There are three perfectly good beds left. You can push them together for more space,” Legolas sniffed in annoyance.

“But-but there’s–” 

“There’s no way I’d sleep next to such a fat–” 

“Who’re you calling fat you stinking–” 

“Listen here piggy meat–” 

“Stinky! Stinky!”

Tauriel just looked at all of them incredulously. Couldn’t the four of them sense how Legolas and Gimli were getting angrier with each complaint? Maybe she should have tried to diffuse the growing tension but she’s never labelled herself a saint. She would like to live thank you very much. While she could have handled either Legolas or Gimli in a snit there’s no way she could survive them both. Gimli’s pitiful state a few days ago was barely manageable she won’t be sacrificing her skin for them. Also, their taunts are so childish it’s like she’s been transported to a nursery.

“We’d never fit!”

“Please Legolas can’t you–”

“SHUT UP!!!” roared Gimli in such a booming voice they all quieted immediately. “Would one of you like to sleep on the floor instead?” 

Fili, Kili, Frodo, and Sam stiffened as they remembered the unrecognizable splatters. 

“No, but–” 

“Then the four of you will share!”


	5. Friendship and Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no appropriate excuse for updating so late you guys. Now, before you throw me off to the mercy of Mt. Doom, at least let me explain a little? Please? I don’t want to overuse the virus excuse, it’s just that with quarantine going on the days sort of bleed a little. Okay, not a little but a lot. I live a sedentary lifestyle, always have. So, the days were a bit similar and I lost count on how long it has been since my last update. I know it’s pathetic, I’m pathetic. And to show you how much more pathetic I can get, I’ve given y’all a chapter that is twice as long as my normal chapters as an apology. I finished writing this chapter at 2:12 in the morning just for all of you. You can throw me off Mt. Doom now. Just remember, if you do throw me off I won’t be able to complete this story. You might argue that you can just break in at my house and steal the outline in my room, but here’s the thing, I have veered of my outline. Not in a really small way but a huge one. So, you still need me. That’s it. Sorry again.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

They stayed up for as long as they could, unwilling to face the inevitable. With no couch in sight and the ghastly mystery of the brown spots on the hardwood floor, there was no choice for them. That doesn’t mean they didn’t approach the situation strategically. Sam and Kili, with their still ongoing spite against each other were designated to sleep on opposite sides of the bed. Fili and Frodo, who really got along nicely with each other without the previous two were assigned at the center. They all reckoned their appointed positions would lead to minimal bloodshed. It was an uncomfortable night for all four of them. Initially, there was a lot of pushing and sniping and slapping but it all ended with a bark of reprimand from their other two housemates. Like them, Gimli and Legolas also pushed their beds together for additional space. Unlike them, however, the act of turning in for the night was met with sappy affection from the resident couple. 

There was hardly any restful sleep for the four bedmates. Sam was continuously squished to the wall. He was sweating buckets and all through the night he wondered if maybe he should’ve braved the floor instead. Frodo, on the other hand, was trying his best not to squish Sam and touch Fili at the same time. While he and Fili got along just fine that does not equate with a desire to sleep with the blond-haired Durin brother. He also doesn’t want to squish Sam, who was the chubbiest of them all. Also, he doesn’t fancy being wet with Sam’s sweat. Meanwhile, Fili felt like he was the most comfortable out of all them. Sure, Kili keeps on poking him with his bony shoulders and flapping limbs but it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it already. Frodo was prone to moving on the bed but Fili thinks he has nothing on some of his previous bedmates from Camp Erebor. So yeah, he thinks it wasn’t that bad, that doesn’t mean he’ll have a really peaceful sleep but it could be worse. On the flip side, Kili was doing horribly in contrast to his brother. He keeps on pushing and prodding at Fili to move and his brother does give in to his demands but the situation always end up the same, with him nearly falling to the floor. There was simply not enough room for four healthy growing boys, let along three healthy growing boys and an overweight but still growing kid. At first, Kili thought Baggins’s thinness would be enough to match with Gamgee’s enormous middle. He was never more wrong in his entire life. He cursed Saruman and Grima incessantly throughout the night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“– spiders, cockroaches, and blood! It’s not right! I won’t go back again!” 

Aragorn tried his best to pacify Sam for the nth time but it seems to be going nowhere. They’ve been having this conversation since the first day of his friends’ relocation. In the beginning, he did his best to be helpful but as the days went on he could already feel his eyes mentally rolling with each word of complaint that escaped from his friend’s lips. It had been two weeks already! 

He had to resort calling out to a nonexistent Gimli or Legolas just to escape from it all. He wasn’t proud of it, especially since he could see how exhausting the whole situation was for Sam and Frodo. Their dark circles had dark circles. He was already concerned when Arwen remarked upon it but it grow worse with a comment from Eowyn.

He tried to talk to Camp Director Elrond about it but all he got was a sigh and a speech about reaping the consequences of one’s actions. He further entreated his petition to Activities Director Gandalf but all he got was a pat on the head. Boromir too, was near the end of his rope. For while Sam and Frodo’s attention were being directed towards him, Boromir had to deal with the Durin brothers. The two friends tried to recruit Faramir with their problem but Eomer (who was Faramir’s best friend) dragged him away before they could land their clutches on him.

“– those brown spots I tell you! I’ve never seen anything more suspicious in my entire life and I know Merry and Pippin. Please Strider maybe you could–” 

Aragorn knocked his head on the table.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Sigh.”

“Did you just say ‘sigh’ out loud?” Frodo incredulously questioned his blond-haired companion on the bed.

“Yes,” answered Fili. “I think it’s appropriate for the situation.”

Frodo blinked at him before training his sight at what made Fili remark such a pointed word. “Sigh,” he agreed.

While their forced relocation had grated on not just their nerves but their other friends as well (Poor Boromir and Aragorn, did they honestly think he wouldn’t notice their continued use of Legolas and Gimli’s names whenever the four of them were within the two friends’ eyesight?), it turned out quite alright. It wasn’t perfect by any means. They still dread sleeping together but it wasn’t quite as bad during the beginning of the ordeal. Sam and Kili even managed to get along somewhat. They’ve taken to ignoring each other and when they had to communicate they just sound all proper and their words succinct. Their blow outs were few in number and quite tolerable but exhausting like right now.

Frodo doesn’t even know what they’re arguing about and he reckons Fili doesn’t either. He doesn’t want to become the wall to their argument again. Frodo eyed Gimli’s snoring visage on the other side of the room. He was shirtless with blankets tangled in his legs and a pair of airpods in his ears. He can’t go to him for help. He’s known for years that waking Gimli when it doesn’t have anything to do with the end of the world, Legolas, or Aragorn is deadly. He’d seen it firsthand, he doesn’t want to see it again.

Legolas was with Tauriel. It was one of their ‘sibling bonding’ days and he doesn’t want to get into the middle of it either. Legolas could be slightly forgiving but Tauriel was just petty. Legolas said she got it from their father. Frodo could believe it. He’d met Thranduil multiple times in the past since he was friends with Bilbo. He could honestly say Thranduil was the king of pettiness.

Aragorn and Arwen were on a date, he doesn’t even want to know where Merry and Pippin are, Boromir and Faramir were with their cousins the Dol Amroths, and Eowyn and Eomer were riding out with Glorfindel and other kids from the camp. 

Just when he contemplated risking Merry and Pippin’s company he saw it. He never moved so fast in his life.

“Where did you get this?” Frodo asked shakily as he grabbed ahold of necklace on Kili’s neck.

“Oh Valar is that–” Sam gasped.

“What about it!” snapped Kili as he tried in vain to rescue his jewelry from Frodo’s unforgiving hands. It was a fancy little thing, styled with silver herringbone for the chain but the pendant… It was the pendant that made Frodo grasp it so tighly. The pendant was molded into a shape of an acorn. Its cupule was made of shimmering silver stones and the nut itself was a single white gem with glints of the rainbow. It had a small engraving at the stalk but he didn’t bother to read it. He already knew what it said.

“Get your hands of my brother and that necklace!” ordered Fili. He was already on his feet in front of them.

“No! Not until he tells me where he got it from!” Frodo barked in reply.

“It’s none of your business. Now let me go!” Kili tried pulling away again. He’s never seen Frodo like this before. If it were any other day he’d be concerned but not this time. Especially not with this necklace.

“I’m going to ask you one more time to let go of my brother and that necklace or you’ll regret it!” Fili hissed.

“NO!” Frodo roared.

“Frodo please let go–” Sam pleaded his best friend.

“No Sam! Can’t you see? This is what I saw at the beginning of camp. Remember when you asked me before Sam? This was it. I thought it was nothing, just a trick of the eye but noooooooooooo. The thief had it all along!” screeched Frodo as he tried to pull the necklace away from Kili’s reddening neck.

“THIEF? Thief? That necklace is ours!” growled Fili. He was doing his best to separate his brother from Baggins without hurting Kili in the process.

“No Frodo it isn’t!” Sam bawled.

“What are you talking about? It’s Uncle Bi–” 

“The engraving isn’t the same!” Sam wailed.

“What?” Frodo faltered. Seeing Frodo’s hesitance, Fili pulled at his brother which caused the three of them to tumble in the floor.

“Look at the necklace again Frodo. See, yours was engraved with the letter T. This one has a B instead,” Sam cajoled.

Frodo looked at the pendant again. Sam was right. But how? The necklace was customized for his Uncle Bilbo. There shouldn’t be anything like it.

“That’s not possible,” wheezed Kili. Frodo eyed the red marks on his neck. He felt guilt and shame well up inside him. He held out his hand to help Kili but was blocked by his brother. Fili was eyeing him with suspicion and a hint of anger. Frodo couldn’t blame him for it. He would have done worse if the position was reverse.

“Well then how can you explain this,” Sam held out Frodo’s own necklace which he retrieved from its hiding place.

Kili took it and compared the two. He relentlessly examined it. “This isn’t right. There’s only supposed to be one necklace like this in the world,” Kili vacillated.

“Well how can you explain this then?” asked Sam.

“My brother’s right,” Fili said. “There shouldn’t be another necklace like ours. I would have thought it was fake or a duplicate but–”

“But what?” Sam asked.

“The chain can be duplicated including the stones on the cap. They’re easy enough to get if you know the right people but the gem. There’s only one gem that looks and shines like this in Arda and it’s called the–” 

“The arkenstone,” whispered Frodo.

“Yes,” Fili agreed. “Our uncle is a great jeweler. The arkenstone had belonged to our family ever since it was discovered by our grandfather Thror. He had it shaped and displayed in the family home for everyone to see.”

“That doesn’t seem safe. Just laying around mathoms like that. I mean it would have been safe back in the Shire but I heard it was different in Rhovanion,” Sam pointed out.

“Security was tight back then but yeah it was dangerous. Someone named Smaug stole it but Uncle got it back. He learned from it though and instead of displaying the arkenstone like before, Uncle fashioned it into a necklace instead. So you see Sam, my brother was right. There shouldn’t be another necklace like ours,” Fili stated grimly.

“No,” Frodo said. They all looked at him in question. “Sam’s right. It’s true that there’s only one arkenstone but the pendant. Look at it it’s–”

“Cut in half,” Kili interrupted in wonder.

“No it’s not. The pendant is whole,” Sam replied.

“I’m not talking about the pendant itself Sam I’m talking about the arkenstone,” whooped Frodo.

“Yeah it was fashioned into a necklace. Fili already said that,” Sam replied dubiously.

“No no no. You don’t get it. Look at it. Really look at it and tell us what you see,” Kili pushed the necklace to their faces.

“They’re right,” Fili gaped at Frodo and Kili. 

“No I can’t see it. What are you all talking about?” Sam asked frustatingly.

“The arkenstone Sam,” Frodo breathed. “Look at the nut in the pendant. The arkenstone never looked like a nut. It was shaped to look like one. There was only one arkenstone but two necklaces because it was cut in half!”

All four of them looked at the necklaces in wonder.

“Kee, do you remember what Balin said to us once?” Fili intoned after a few minutes.

“What? Which one?” asked Kili.

“What’s your mother’s name?” Fili asked Frodo instantly.

“Primula, but I don’t see how–”

“Your dad then?” Fili retorted.

“Drogo, but–” 

“Are you sure?” Fili asked.

“Of course I’m sure,” snorted Frodo.

“Well, there must be another reason–”

“His uncle’s name is Bilbo,” interrupted Sam. “Frodo’s lived with him since he was 11. You’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

“Balin knew someone named Bilbo,” Kili’s eyes lit up.

“Your uncle wouldn’t have given half of the arkenstone to an acquaintance. No one would have. Not unless he’s… No. No way!”

“Not unless they were together?” Fili raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I don’t believe that. There must be another reason,” Frodo denied.

“We could ask Balin or Dwalin. Even Dain,” Kili said.

“Who and who?” asked Frodo.

“We can’t. Uncle would know about it right away,” Fili pointed out.

“This is insane, maybe your uncle gave it to this Balin fellow and he gave it to Uncle Bilbo,” Frodo protested.

“Yeah right,” snorted Kili. “Like that would ever happen.”

“Maybe we could ask Nori. He’d tell us,” Fili said.

“Do you know how to contact Nori?” asked Kili.

“Well, no but I’m sure–”

“Then give that up,” Kili interjected. “Nori’s tricky, we won’t be able to talk to him.

“There must be somebody we can ask,” cursed Fili.

“There will be no asking. Uncle Bilbo has been a bachelor ever since his birth. There’s no way your uncle and my uncle ever had a relationship,” Frodo shook his head.

“I know someone we can ask,” Sam claimed.

“Who?” Fili, Kili, and Frodo asked simultaneously.

“Well, we can’t ask my parents. They’d tell Bilbo right away. Gandalf is also out, he’d tell Elrond in a heartbeat and Elrond will call Bilbo about it. Really, there’s only one person we can ask,” smirked Sam.

“No!” Frodo denied instantly. “That’s mental Sam!”

“Who else has been Bilbo’s friend for a long time? Who else has been setting him up on multiple blind dates? Who else could outstubborn Bilbo in anything? Who else had the patience of ‘a hundred years’?” Sam grinned.

“Who?” asked Kili.

“Thranduil.”


	6. What is Botfa?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the next chapter guys! If you want to escape a mini rant, please head down below and read the chapter if you don’t, then stay for a bit. If all goes well, quarantine will end in a week. I’m thrilled because yaayyy that means the virus is slowing down and there will be freedom once more. The only problem is that my professors have started acting up. The amount of assignments they’ve been sending us is unbelievable. They’re making up for lost time, which is kind of understandable but still. One of the reasons why I’m late posting this is because of the ton of homework I need to do. I’m not even finished yet. Pray for me guys. Help a gal out, yeah?
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

“What did you say???!!!” 

Frodo choked as Kili slipped on the floor. Fili flapped his arms in distress and Sam lost his smug smile if only for a moment. They turned their head towards the only other occupied bed in the room. Gimli had managed to tangle his legs with a blanket and was trying to free himself.

“We screamed, wrestled, and gossiped loudly with each other for more than an hour and you were just snoring in your bed dreaming of who knows what and now you wake up because Sam said Thranduil’s name as if the world was ending. What’s the matter with you?” Kili barked at the redhead incredulously.

“In Gimli’s defense, I’d probably think uttering Thranduil’s name would trigger the beginning of Armageddon,” Fili defended his cousin with a smile on his lips.

“That’s not fair,” said Frodo. “Thranduil’s a complicated person. He might be a–” 

“Prat.”

“Beanpole.”

“Stingy.”

“Ass.”

“Enough! He has a multifaceted personality I get it but he’s been Uncle Bilbo’s friend for years. He was kind to him and everything. He’d send us presents every Christmas and he’s never missed a single birthday party for Uncle Bilbo,” Frodo frowned.

“He’s also Tauriel and Legolas’s dad and both of them are awesome,” added Sam.

“And he supports my relationship with Legolas,” remarked Gimli with a pained grimace as if every word were a knife to the heart.

The Durin brothers just looked at them dubiously. “So what? We just call him then?” Fili drily asked.

“Why do you want to call him again?” Gimli eyed them suspiciously.

Frodo just ignored the redhead as he replied to Fili, “Yes, and we’ll find out whether or not my uncle and your uncle really dated each other back in the day.”

“What did you just say?!!!” Gimli gaped incredulously.

“Oh I hope this’ll go well,” Sam muttered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Er, good morning Mister Thranduil sir,” Samwise shuffled suspiciously.

Thranduil raised an eyebrow of doom. “Is there a particular reason you requested for a video call Samwise? Does this conversation had something to do with Legolas’s relocation of quarters? If so, I have already been informed by Elrond.”

“Er, n-no. I-it’s ummm, i-it,” Sam twitched like a particularly epileptic patient.

“Speak up Samwise. If not Legolas, then is this about Tauriel? Has she done something more rebellious and scandalous than her older brother’s relationship with a Durin? I love my children but they can be so disobedient sometimes.”

“I thought you said he approves of your relationship with Legolas. Was he lying to you about that then?” Kili asked mutinously.

The eyebrow rose higher. “Ah, the Durin brothers. There’s no need to hide from me, you have been discovered. The both of you are like Elrohir and Elladan, wherever one of them is be assured that the other is not far behind. To answer your question Kili Durin, I may have approved of my son’s relationship with Gimli that does not mean I approved of the way they admitted their feelings to each other.” 

Frodo observed how Gimli deflated in relief at Thranduil’s words. The redhead was initially going to leave them alone to their ‘insanity of a quest’ but after hearing his cousins’ remarks against his boyfriend’s father he decided to stay. Speaking of Gimli’s cousins, Kili was pouting mulishly while Fili lost a tiny bit of tension on his shoulders. Sam was keeping his eyes on the floor and Frodo knew that his best friend already regretted suggesting asking Thranduil. Frodo sighed, ‘ _ Well, it looks like I have to do the questioning then’. _

“Hi Thranduil,” Frodo stepped out of his hiding place.

“Ah, hello Frodo,” Thranduil’s lips curved into a smile.

“We just want to ask some questions,” Frodo continued.

“Do these questions have anything to do with the Battle of the Five Armies?” Thranduil smirked.

“Er, what?” Frodo blinked confusedly.

“The spectacle that was the destruction of Bilbo and Thorin’s relationship of course,” Thranduil said.

“I was right!” screamed Sam.

“I knew it!” Kili smirked at Frodo condescendingly.

“Bilbo and Thorin?” Gimli gaped at Thranduil

“There really was a relationship going on then?” Frodo asked.

“Of course there was,” Thranduil snorted. “Everybody back then knew they would get together. There were multiple bets.”

“We already know there was a high probability of a relationship going on. This was just confirmation. Still, why did they break up and why is it called the Battle of the Five Armies?” Fili questioned. 

“There were many reasons why those two divorced–” 

“Did you just say divorced? They were married?” Kili gaped unattractively. Everyone was shocked. Dating they expected but marriage? What happened to them? Frodo knew his uncle would never have married someone he didn’t love with all his heart and from what he can deduce about Thorin Durin, the man was the same as his uncle. Why did they break up and how come Bilbo never told him about this?

“Yes, they were married,” Thranduil glared at the interruption. “As I was saying, there were many reasons for why Bilbo and Thorin were divorced but I won’t tell you every single one of them for they were too numerous to count. That’s for them to tell you on their own time.”

“Well what about another reason then? I-I mean, I know you won’t tell us all of them but you could tell us just one reason why,” Sam asked, finally emerging from his quiet bubble.

Thranduil eyed them seriously for a moment before replying, “The arkenstone.”

“What? Why?” Fili asked.

“I’m sure you are aware of the robbery of the arkenstone by Smaug before Thorin retrieved it,” Thranduil stated.

“Everyone knows about it. It’s still being talked about today even though it was years already,” Gimli confirmed.

Thranduil hummed for a bit before saying, “To showcase his love and devotion, Thorin crafted the arkenstone into two necklaces. He engraved it with the first letter of their names and gave the necklace marked with a T to Bilbo while he kept the other one for himself.”

The four of them were already aware of this but Gimli wasn’t. His eyes widened with every word that came out of Thranduil’s lips. Frodo was afraid that his eyes would pop out from their sockets.

Thranduil continued to explain, “Everything was well except we all received disturbing news. A man named Azog would like to steal the arkenstone unknowing that it was already split into two. Thorin became overly paranoid. He was seeing shadows at every turn. 

Bilbo tried to be understanding but he was not a well of patience. He got tired of Thorin’s actions especially when it didn’t change for months. The issue only worsened when Gandalf, Balin, and I witnessed Thorin nearly choking Bilbo as he tried to take Bilbo’s necklace by force. Thorin wanted to hide both necklaces in a safe. He was afraid Azog would be able to steal it since Bilbo never takes the necklace off when he travels. Bilbo did not agree with him.”

Everyone was quiet. Frodo winced at how his actions mirrored Thorin. He remembered the redness of Kili’s neck and wondered if his uncle’s marks were the same. 

“W-why was their divorce called the Battle of the Five Armies,” Sam asked after ten minutes of silence.

“Because five parties were formed when the option for divorce was put in the table. One side was Bilbo’s and the other was Thorin’s. The third side consists of those who wanted them to just stay together despite everything. The fourth side tried to mediate all sides because of the chaos and the fifth side were those who didn’t want to be included in the fight but was dragged in anyway,” replied Thranduil.

There were no more questions after that. Thranduil excused himself after citing some business that needs to be settled. Frodo thinks he just wants to get away from the solemnness that permeated everyone. No wonder Thranduil and Bilbo were friends. Frodo would bet that Thranduil sided with his uncle.

The next few days were a bit quiet and awkward. Gimli told Legolas about what happened but he swore him to secrecy. The atmosphere in Dol Goldur was weird. Just when all of them were starting to get along this happened. It got so bad that Aragorn tried to incite Sam’s endless mouthful of questions but he was unsuccessful. The same response was echoed when their individual friends placed their own attentions to Fili, Kili, and Frodo. This continued on for two more days before everyone got enough and they ambushed the four children with a sleepover on Saturday.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Frodo gaped at the intruders, “W-what are you doing here?” Everyone was there. 

“This is an intervention,” Eowyn sniffed imperiously.

“So you all decided to crash here?” Kili scowled. “There’s not enough beds for everybody!”

“There is a floor,” Eomer pointed out.

“A floor that’s speckled with blood!” Sam squeaked.

“How do you know it’s blood?” Boromir questioned.

“How do you know it’s not?” Fili defended Sam.

“That’s why we got sleeping bags,” Pippin smirked.

“Well, except for Tauriel but she’s sleeping with Gimli and Legolas. We also brought snacks,” Merry added.

“That makes it sound like the three of us are having sex,” Legolas scowled.

Tauriel rolled her eyes, “We get it. Gimli is yours. No one is stealing him from you. Chill out.”

Frodo just shook his head. This was the most interactive they were after receiving the ‘News’. He hopes he won’t regret opening the door too much later on.

He spied Tauriel plumping up a pillow in the beds with Gimli and Legolas. Merry and Pippin placed their sleeping bags at the foot of Frodo’s own shared bed with Sam, Fili, and Kili. Eowyn placed hers with Faramir and Eomer while Arwen, Aragorn, and Boromir grouped with each other. Overall it was a tight fit but somehow they managed.

“So what’s the big deal?” Eomer asked.

The original housemates dithered in answering. The question was repeated again and again until they snapped and finally told everyone everything they knew.

“Let me get this straight, you’re saying that Bilbo and Mr. Durin were sweethearts and married back in the day and you were a family until some sort of calamity occurred that ended with them having a divorce. Said divorce is the reason the whole family became estranged that you don’t even know there was a marriage in the first place. Also, the had such a bad divorce they ended up living on two opposite sides of Arda and the only reason you knew you were a family is because of some sort of customized necklace in the shape of an acorn on a jewel and that dad told you so?”Tauriel raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” said Frodo.

“All of you have such weird lives,” Tauriel shook her head.

“We asked Thranduil, he told us everything. Well, maybe not everything,” Kili started.

“He told us enough to get the whole picture,” Fili sighed.

“Father never told me about this. What about you Aragorn? Did he mention something of the sort?” Arwen asked.

“No,” Aragorn denied.

“Thranduil never said anything about your da being included in it Arwen,” Sam said.

“Maybe not, but I knew he was visiting Thranduil during that time. There are pictures,” Arwen replied.

“So which side did you think he was?” Boromir asked.

“Side? What side?” Gimli asked.

“The BotFa,” Faramir answered for his brother.

“Why are you calling it BotFa?” Kili asked.

“Saying Battle of the Five Armies is too long,” Faramir replied.

“What like Hermione Granger’s SPEW?” Pippin blinked.

“BotFa sounds better than SPEW,” Eowyn spoke up.

“BotFa sounds like butter fat,” Merry said.

Someone tossed Merry a bag of popcorn. The conversation devolved into more silliness after that.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Fili whispered beside him.

“We’ve been quiet for a couple of nights,” Frodo smiled.

“What’s wrong? Aside from everything that is,” Fili asked softly.

Frodo hesitated. He still remembered his fight with the Durin brothers. He couldn’t understand how Fili could still be so kind to him after what he’d done. He hopes Fili will forgive him someday, “Uncle Bilbo was married. For a long time it’s just been the two of us. Sam was there of course, and his parents, and Merry and Pippin. Gandalf comes for tea a few times over the years. Thranduil visits all the time and uncle and I stop at Rivendell enough. We were never truly lonely but it was just the two of us as a family. Uncle was married to your own uncle and I just thought, we could have been brothers. I was an only child and I wasn’t wanting for company but brothers. We could have been a family.”

He looked at Fili and discovered that Fili was watching him too. There was something in his eyes that made Frodo hitch his breath.

“Well,” Fili smiled at him. “There’s no one saying we can’t be a family anyway.”

“But, the divorce,” Frodo protested.

“Then we make sure they’re not divorced,” Fili replied firmly.

“They’re already divorced Fili. This happened even before I was born.” Frodo didn’t realize that everyone was listening to the two of them now.

“So? There’s only one way to solve that. We get them back together,” Fili smirked triumphantly.

Frodo didn’t know what to say. He thought Fili was going to say something about Frodo being family despite the divorce and whatnot. He didn’t expect this. This was a madman’s plot. He wanted to say no to it immediately but there was something holding him back. He thought of him and Uncle Bilbo all alone in Bag End. He thought of how his younger self would always toddle over to his cousins for some brotherly affection. He thought of the multiple dates his uncle would attend that always weighed him down rather than uplift his spirit. He thought of the way Uncle Bilbo would softly pat the arkenstone necklace a few times with a sad smile. He thought of how his uncle would watch over the window looking for something he only knew. Really, there was no other way.

“Let’s do it,” Frodo agreed.

“You’re all mad,” Tauriel proclaimed.

“Well, we’re madmen that’s gonna be a family,” Kili smirked.

“I support you Frodo. Mister Bilbo and Mister Thorin will fall in love with each other again so hard there will be no escape,” Sam proclaimed.

Everyone was onboard except for Legolas, Boromir, Aragorn, and Eomer. They were a bit uneasy with the idea. The four friends remembered what Frodo, Fili, Sam, and Kili shared on why the couple broke up. That was just one factor, what were the other reasons?

“You’ll help won’t you Aragorn?” Frodo asked timidly.

“Come on Aragorn, join the club,” Eowyn cajoled further.

Aragorn pursed his lips before nodding. They were going to do whatever they want anyway regardless of the others’ disapproval. At least this way they have a few more strategists on hand. Bilbo and Thorin won’t know what hit them. Somewhere, two men felt a shiver break out in their spine.


	7. Now It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE DON”T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I make no claim in being the creator of these two universes. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind.

“So Kili and Fili will get a ride with Aragorn. Since it was him who drove Sam and Frodo here in Rivendell, it won’t take much to convince Elrond to allow Aragorn to do it again. We’re set in that area,” Eowyn smiled.

“You say that as if Bilbo won’t give me his disappointed look for losing his nephew and friend’s son,” Aragorn mattered.

“Oh shush, if they really were a dramatically estranged family, Bilbo would only be happy enough to reunite with his nephew-in-laws,” Eowyn disputed.

“Bilbo’s going to use Aragorn’s skin for book covers,” Boromir muttered.

Legolas cackled in delight.

Aragorn gave him such a betrayed look before answering, “I require reinforcements and a getaway driver. After I deposit the nephews-not-nephew, whoever I brought with me should be ready enough for us to make a run for it. I vote Legolas.”

“Nice try Elessar” Legolas smirked. “Unfortunately for you, my home is in Rhovanion. Gimli, Tauriel and I will be riding together and dad will be the one to lead Sam and Frodo at Thorin’s door.”

“Everyone knows their role right? With Aragorn, Pippin, Merry, Legolas, Gimli, and Tauriel being the delivery persons it’s up to us, whoever’s left to make sure the counsellors won’t be able to stop us. I will distract ada, Boromir and Faramir you deal with Gandalf, and Saruman will be tackled by Eowyn and Eomer,” Arwen dictated.

“Why do we have to be the one to distract Saruman?” Eomer scowled.

“Because he’s friends with your grandfather. You’ll be able to talk to him less suspiciously than anyone in this group. Heaven knows what will happen if we send Merry and Pippin after him,” Faramir reasoned.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” Pippin pouted.

“We won’t hurt him. Much,” Merry twinkled.

“Don’t mind them brother, besides, if anyone is going to have a hard time fulfilling their task it’s Boromir and Faramir. Gandalf will be hard to distract,” Eowyn consoled Eomer.

Tauriel snorted while Gimli outright laughed. Everyone else, besides the two Gondorians, were trying hard not to show their mirth. Even Kili was amused and he’s only known Gandalf this summer. Frodo tried his best not to laugh. He adored Gandalf but even he knows only too well how much of a busybody Gandalf is.

“But what about us? What are we supposed to do?” Sam asked.

“We will be learning about each other’s homes and all that. No reason for us not to scope each other’s territory first,” Fili said.

With that everyone proceed to strategize more about their supposed task. Boromir though was troubled. He’s still not sure on the merits of this endeavor but he’s willing enough to go with it, for now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was only until after lunch when camp is officially over and Boromir was beside himself with nerves. He can’t handle it. Bilbo Baggins and Thorin Durin divorced for a reason. Multiple reasons in fact, if Legolas and Tauriel’s dad were to be believed and believed it he did. After all, he knew Bilbo personally and Bilbo would never give up on someone he loves if he could help it.

Boromir straightened up and fished his phone out of his pocket. He won’t tell the counsellors. He doesn’t want any of his friends to be in trouble. He’ll go directly to the source. 

He pressed call and said, “Hello Mr. Baggins.”

A voice answered, “Boromir, is that you? Hi! Did something happen to Frodo?”

“No Mr. Baggins, Frodo’s okay and so is Sam.”

“Oh, well is there something else that’s wrong? Sorry if I’m a bit curt. It’s the nerves you see. I heard Aragorn will be driving them home again. They’ll be arriving late at night I presume?”

Boromir’s mouth dried.  _ This is it _ he told himself.  _ Just say it and be done with it. _ “Actually Mr. Baggins I–”

“They won’t be arriving tonight. We were planning on camping a little bit near Bree. We don’t want to have an accident on the road.”

Boromir gaped at Aragorn who appeared out of nowhere and grabbed his phone.

“Oh Aragorn is that you? What happened to Boromir?”

Boromir moved to answer when suddenly someone tackled him from behind. There was a loud thud and he could just make out the detail of straggly red hair before his mouth was stuffed with a chicken leg.  _ Great _ , he thought.  _ Aragorn brought reinforcements. _

“What was that? Is everything alright there Aragorn? Was that Boromir?” Bilbo’s worried voice floated out of the speakers.

Aragorn hurriedly answered, “Everything’s alright. Boromir just tripped on something big and red and short.”

“What?! Is he okay”

Gimli mimed choking Aragorn. At least, Boromir hoped it was Aragorn.

“He’s fine now. He just wanted to call about our delay.”

Of course Aragorn wants to talk about the delay. With the Lonely Mountain so far from Rivendell, Frodo and Sam won’t be able to arrive until tomorrow evening at the latest. If Aragorn escorts Fili , Kili, Merry, and Pippin as officially scheduled Bilbo will be able to call Gandalf and bring home Sam and Frodo in a snap.

“Oh, well that’s alright I suppose. I don’t mind you camping out for the night. Just be safe. Is Frodo there? Can I talk to him?”

“Sorry Mr. Bilbo. Frodo’s packing his luggage at the moment. I think. I can go and tell him to call you if you like?”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll be hanging up now. Goodbye Aragorn.”

“Goodbye Mr. Bilbo,” Aragorn replied and the call ended.

Aragorn placed the phone on a table before saying, “What were you thinking? You know how hard everyone has planned for this. Frodo and Fili and Kili want to meet their family? How could you do this?”

Boromir spit the chicken out of his mouth, “You know I’ve had doubts. You do too. They’re divorced for a reason Aragorn. We shouldn’t poke a hornet’s nest. You know I’m right.”

“This is their choice Boromir. We should respect it,” Gimli interjected.

“You’re just saying that because Thorin Durin is your relative,” Boromir countered.

“Enough!” Aragorn interjected. “You’re right Boromir, I have doubts. I don’t think Sam and Fili and Kili and Frodo should switch places just so they could meet their respective half of the family. If pressed, they could have introduced each other through livechat first. But this is their choice and like Gimli said we should respect them. They’re our friends. They’ve dragged us to this madness and as their friends it’s our job to make this as painless for them as possible while also respecting their choices.”

Boromir sighed before saying, “I know. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt. Get off me Gimli.”

“Are you sure about that lad,” Gimli muttered.

“Yes, yes I’m–” 

There was a huge clamor just outside the door before it quieted with a particularly loud bang. Aragorn immediately shuffled to open the door. Lo and behold, it was Legolas with Merry and Pippin on the floor caging a lanky, squirming Grima.

“Gimli, meleth nin, why are you sitting on Boromir,” Legolas raised a brow.

Gimli briskly stood up, “Just a bit of misunderstanding amralime.”

“”I’ll tell on you! Don’t think I will. Counsellor Saruman will hear about this! He’ll stop this infernal nonsense at once!” Grima shrieked.

“Pray tell, how will you do that,” Aragorn questioned.

“You can’t keep me here forever,” Grima countered. “I’ll scream!”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Boromir stated before shoving the previously used chicken leg to Grima’s mouth.

“How are we going to keep him from escaping?” Gimli asked.

“Leave that to us!” Merry smirked before producing a roll of duct tape out of nowhere.

“First rule of mischief-making, always have duct tape on hand. You can never go wrong with it!” Pippin replied cheerfully.

“Mrmmgfphtrdffffffffffffff.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Make sure to call before you arrive okay! We want everything to be perfect,” Sam patted Kili.

“Yes, mom,” Kili smirked tauntingly.

“Make sure to send reports by the hour just in case,” Faramir reminded.

“Stop worrying,” Boromir said exasperatedly.

Everywhere people were saying their sweet goodbyes and checking their packs just in case. Frodo took a big shuddering breath. Tomorrow evening he’ll be meeting his other uncle. The uncle he’s never met. The uncle that Bilbo fell in love with. Frodo hopes everything will turn out well.

“Hey are you okay?” someone asked.

Frodo turned around to meet Fili’s eyes. “Hey,” he replied.

Fili’s brows furrowed, “Are you having second thoughts?”

“No,” Frodo denied. “I’m just nervous. I hope everything will turn out alright but I’m just not sure.”

“It’s okay to have doubts,” Fili smiled. “I’m pretty sure most of our friends are doubting too.”

“Well, that’s not much of a pep talk,” Frodo replied glumly.

“That’s because I wasn’t finished,” Fili pointed out. “The plan is horrible and it mostly relies on luck but what can we do but hope. I’d like to meet Bilbo, so does Kili. Everything you all said about him makes me think he’s a great person. As far as I know you want to meet Uncle Thorin too. So yeah, the plan is horrible but we have hope and our friends. If something goes wrong we’ll just talk about it in the group chat and solve it as fast as possible.”

“That was a slightly better encouragement than the last. Keep it up,” Frodo smiled at him gratefully.

“Hey kiddos it’s time to go!” Tauriel called.

“Good luck,” Fili smiled.

“Same to you,” Frodo grinned. “Don’t destroy Aragorn’s car.”

“Cooping us with Merry and Pippin on an enclosed space for more than an hour. What were they thinking?” Fili smirked.

“Brego won’t be coming to harm because I’ll be mediating between the four of you,” Arwen stepped in.

“Wait, if you’re with Aragorn then whose going to distract you know who?” Frodo questioned.

“My brothers,” Arwen replied enigmatically. “Come along Fili it’s time to go.”

Frodo waved at him goodbye before going to Tauriel. They’ve dressed in each other’s clothes just to make sure the counsellors won’t instantly figure out what’s going on. He hopes it’s enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Frodo, Frodo wake up,” Sam shook his friend awake. They’ve been sleeping the entire flight and have finally arrived at the Carrock airport. 

“Sam,” Frodo muttered sleepily.

“We’re here. It’s time to get up,” Sam poked again.

Frodo just nodded before the two collected their carry-on packs. They still have to get the rest of their luggage from the baggage claim. Sam hopes it won’t take too long.

A few minutes later they arrived in the baggage claim with Tauriel, Legolas, and Gimli. Legolas was already making his way towards the trolleys before proceeding to pick two of them. At first, Sam a bit confused because surely Legolas doesn’t think all of their stuff would fit in them but then he thought of the numerous packs and suitcases Legolas brought in Dol Goldur. With that, he maneuvered to take one for him and Frodo. After claiming all their stuff they exited the airport where they were all ushered into a car. Thranduil himself was waiting for them.

“Legolas, Tauriel the two of you have grown an inch,” Thranduil observed.

“Yes ada, will we be going home directly?" Legolas asked.

“Thorin Durin has sent a driver to take his ‘nephews’ and Gimli home. They’re currently waiting in Greenwood,” Thranduil smirked.

“We can’t let that happen. They’ll be discovered immediately,” Gimli panicked.

“Is there any chance Thorin won’t send Bofur and Bifur?” Tauriel asked.

“That won’t be a problem,” Thranduil smirked.

“You have a plan then,” Frodo hoped.

“I’ll be driving you Samwise directly to the mountain,” Thranduil smugly replied.

“He’s not going to like that,” Legolas warned.

“Exactly.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Someone was knocking on the door. Bell stood up ready to answer it before Bilbo shook his head. “It’s alright Bell I’ll open it myself.”

She nodded at him gratefully. Bell was up to her hands preoccupied with the turkey. The two friends have cooked a large array of foods for Frodo and Sam’s return. The turkey was the only one left and it was Bell’s specialty. 

Bilbo hurried towards the door eager to hug his nephew. It’s been such a long time since he’s seen him last and he can’t wait. He eagerly pried open the door at the sight of Aragorn carrying two teens. He was just about to welcome them all inside when suddenly Aragorn pushed the two boys in his unprepared arms saying, “Hello Mr. Bilbo it’s nice to see you. Goodbye now.” The young man instantly sprinted towards his car where Bilbo can see Arwen at the wheel and Merry and Pippin eagerly opening the car doors. Within five seconds they were gone.

“What–”

“Fili and Kili at your service,” the two teens in his arms tried to bow.

Bilbo felt faint.  _ Impossible. _

The black haired teen who looked so much like someone who he dearly would not like to remember started to stay, “You must be Mr. Boggins!”

Bilbo swooned.


End file.
